So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
