Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
