dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
