Just cropdusted the office
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
