It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize