I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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