In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
