my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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