I want to walk on stilts...naked
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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