My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
