What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
