i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
