I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
