just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We have started to decorate penises.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
