does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
