I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
