No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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