I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
