I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
