I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
