is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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