i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
