I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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