He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
