rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
