A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
