Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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