I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she told me i tasted like america
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
