quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
