woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
