If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
