Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
