if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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