Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
