I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
