the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
