she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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