one two three fourrrrnication!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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