??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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