I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
