I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
