Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
