but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Screwed.edu
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
