This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize