did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
