I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
