so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
