Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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