he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
