She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize