please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
