quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
