Your face is a jimmy john
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize