Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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