the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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