She is in my trunk
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
