yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize