either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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