HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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