Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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