Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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