I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
