I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
