Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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