Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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