I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
