Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
