with your own penis?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
