apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize