yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
