so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
