God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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