Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
