He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She bit a glass in half.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
