You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
