are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
