Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
