Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
